Deborah Savran
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resolving to lose the plot

12/29/2012

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Here we are again, together marking another rotation of our planet around the sun.  As this cycle ends and a new one dawns, you, like me, may be considering what resolutions you want to make for the new year.  But let's be honest.  Does not the vibrant rainbow we see on January 1st of what our future holds (if we can just commit to our resolutions) so often fade to grey come February?  Still, it is true that the cyclical nature of time on this planet does hold a great blessing in its offer of a chance to reflect, start afresh, and try again until we 'get it', and let us not make light of that blessing. 

So what stops us from making our resolve stick?  Could it be our vice-like grip on the story line or plot of what our life 'should' look like.  Can this attachment over-ride our efforts to change, and thus we reset back to the comforts of autopilot?  As Albert Einstein said, 'No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it',  so that door that opens for us to make changes like quitting smoking, coffee or alcohol, losing weight, exercising more, or eating healthy foods can close quickly when our level of understanding about what honestly drives our behavior is not revealed.  The 'why' of our harmful choices holds the key to complete change:

'Why do I need substances to numb out or distract myself?'                             

'What is it I am trying to avoid feeling?'
'Why have I chosen to be driven by a part of me that allows choices that are harming to myself and others?'   
'Why do I so often not explore the why of my behaviors?'

Do we not avoid such questioning simply because we don't want to be busted?!  We may work extremely hard not to be exposed by others, our secret wounds wrapped in the bandages of a life that may outwardly appear to be great - so why would we go through the painful process of personally exposing the soup we are in? If in sensing the pain of our wounds we develop a belief that delving within ourselves will only find something loathsome, if we don't sense even an inkling of the magnificent jewel of our true nature hiding in that soup, we may be terrified to take this level of responsibility.  Especially to take not partial, but 100% responsibility for the situation we are in.  Yet taking gentle, loving responsibility for the complete exposure of the illusion we are in is just what may stand between a mere existence, and daily joyful living and truth.  My favorite cartoonist, Michael Leunig illustrates this for us beautifully:
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So whatever your personal resolutions are for our next rotation around the Sun, consider joining me in losing the plot and just connecting.  Lose  everything you carry that stops you from being the real, radically beautiful you. Lose it as a great act of self-love.  Lose it to deepen your understanding of who we truly are.  Lose it so you may fully commit to your self-honoring new year's resolutions.  Lose it so you can know there is nothing you need to gain, and thus begin to wake to living your true purpose here on Earth.  
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let it snow!

11/12/2012

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Looking out the window of my room this morning I see the first
real snowfall of the season. Autumn here in Minneapolis has been amazingly beautiful and mild this year, but something that always seems to draw my attention away from this season of falling leaves, crisp air and subtle beauty, is the demon I have carried in me named ‘dread-of-winter’. My children in late October start praying for it to snow, and I groan in response, saying ‘not until December, please!’ Yet every year the same thing happens. When it does begin to snow, I am completely delighted!  It is the most enchanting and transformational thing that can happen to my surroundings.  Crystals falling from the sky - an instant fairy-land right in my yard.  

This year I am noticing more deeply other aspects of what snow reflects
to us, and one word keeps coming up, and it is STILLNESS.  
In pondering on the stillness of a snowy land, I feel both completely exposed, and also completely supported. 

Why am I exposed? 
If I choose to allow the appearance and conditions of the world around me make me feel better or worse, this reveals the illusion I have fallen into.  How can our surroundings dictate how we feel when we consider the truth that we are magnificent beings of Love?   To feel and live the truth of our inner-beauty depletes neediness, including the need for the outer world to provide this beauty for us.  I have lived in and traveled to some of the most strikingly beautiful places on the planet and I now understand that this can be yet another distraction from discovering the great beauty within.  We admire grand beauty that is outside of us while falsely believing that it is more than that which lies inside us.  Through love of self and humanity I know that, even in the most horrible and depressingly ugly (from the outside) slums on Earth, there is still the greatest beauty, in the people.
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Why am I supported? 
I am supported as I affirm a new meaning of what winter’s stillness can
represent.  Rather than dreading this season with old ideas of it as a harsh, bleak time of year, I now sense how the beautiful, silent light of snow can become a reminder to return to the living stillness in our body ~ to re-connect to the inner hub, our center, rather than be caught up in the spokes of the spinning wheel of an outward seeking form of existence. At the hub we can remember who we are.  

Photo credit: Nita Jatar Kulkarni -  http://www.stockpicturesforeveryone.com/
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Swimming upstream

10/23/2012

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At a workshop I attended earlier this year my friend spoke about the call more of us on the planet are heeding to no longer ‘go with the flow’ in terms of the energy of how we as a people have been choosing to live.  He offered beautiful, moving imagery of the struggle of beginning and persevering with swimming upstream, and I often recall this and find that it continually inspires me.  


With the increasingly terrible states of violence, disease, addictions, sexism, racism, slavery (human trafficking), poverty, corruption, greed, environmental destruction, anxiety, depression, and the rest of the sprawling list of non-harmonious ways of being on Earth, surely going along as we have been in the illusion of separation is questionable, if not intolerable.   While it is easy to feel that great abyss of suffering on the planet, whether perceived internally or externally, the extent of it can be so overwhelming that we may feel powerless that anything we can do will make a real change. Even if one person feels they can make a difference, it can be elusive as to how to put on the brakes, be honest about the extent of the illusion we are in, and resist the momentum that drives us to continue down that same path of ‘so-called’ least resistance over and over again.  I say ‘so-called’ as my experience is that going along with the consciousness that is in the illusion of separation feels internally like swimming upstream already, and whoa man, can that current can be strong!  But that struggle is in relation to the immense effort it takes to function in that energy of disconnection.  The beautiful difference is that the swimming upstream I refer to is the resisting of the temptations that trap us in the consciousness of separation.  It is an outpouring from the choice to re-turn and re-connect with the love that we truly and equally are.  To live in this way is internally a huge release and surrender, and in my body I feel it as a ‘going with the flow of love.’  Ahhhhhhhh!!  Allowing this love to gradually unfold more and more in my body feels amazing.  This, I find, requires a constant vigilance, to resist the prevailing choice on the planet to not be connected to the love we are, and so it is quite easy to ‘lose it’, but the choice to re-turn to love is always there.  The more we choose it, the more that momentum begins to build in our life and on the planet.

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When we begin to swim upstream in this way, we are perhaps timid, or even fearful, as we know that those around us will take notice.  Some of our nearest and dearest may mirror the very same doubts we may have within us, take it personally, or simply may think we have gone mad!  “What’s up with you?”  Why are you going that way?”  “It is so much better/easier/more comfortable this way, what are you doing?” “Have you gone crazy?” “Why are you rejecting me/us?” “I don’t understand you!”  Such reactive responses play on our deep fears of being outcast, isolated, misunderstood, alone and persecuted.  When faced with this reflection of doubt and reactivity, it can be seemingly easier to say ‘forget it’, and let the pull of the collective consciousness take you back downstream.   We may do this over and over and over again before we have a strong enough reference point of our own love that can act like that rock in the river that we can hold on to when the current is strong, and then continue to swim upstream, for is that not how we return to the source of the river?  

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