Pondering on love as we approach Valentine's day, I am remembering when I was 20 years old, and really into "The Road Less Traveled" and other books by M. Scott Peck. One thing he presented that really affected me at the time was his proposal that 'love is not a feeling'. What I took from his books was that, rather than falsely believing that the emotions around 'falling in love' experienced at the beginning of a romance will always remain - thus leading to unrealistic expectations for a long-term relationship - instead love was an ongoing choice, and an action or activity. I was reminded of his books recently and his idea that love is not a feeling. Returning to this concept a couple of decades later, I understand how this is only partial truth. While I would still strongly agree that love is an ongoing choice, and one that is free of emotion, my understanding through experiencing love in my own body has made it clear to me that to say that love is not a feeling can actually pull us away from a true experience of the energy that love is. What's more, to say that love is an activity or action is a reflection of the masculine aspect of love in expression. But, for our actions - speech, touch, thoughts, movement - to be love in expression they must first arise out of connecting to and living from the place of stillness, or femaleness. This is a quality that we can feel in our body. It is something that may be sensed equally by both women and men. Once we feel this and choose to re-connect to the love that we are at our inner-most essence, then all of our actions and activities that come out of this connection will be loving.
To understand love energetically it is helpful to contemplate the etymology and understand the meaning of the words emotion, feeling and love. Many people believe that feelings and emotions are two words for the same thing, or are confused about the difference between the two. As energetic beings, it is important for us to have words to describe pure sensation, free of misinterpretation. In English, one such word is 'feeling'. It's origins are from Old English felan - "to touch, perceive," and feel was defined in the early 13th century as "sensation, understanding." On the other hand, the English word 'emotion' has its origins from the Middle French word emouvoir - "to stir up", and from Latin emovēre - "to remove, displace, agitate." The experience in the body of a feeling and an emotion mirror these definitions. When a feeling arises, we have a choice. We may stay with our body with the intention of understanding what message this feeling holds, respond in whole, and thus complete it and move on. Alternatively, we may have a reaction to, or re-interpretation of the feeling, and stir ourselves up into emotion. When we do this we then remove, displace and/or agitate away from the beauty and joy of our connection with self.
Another part of the confusion is how we define love. The experience of what we may call 'romantic love' so common at the beginning of a relationship, where we feel we can not live without the other person, that they 'complete us' or 'make us happy' are all reflections of neediness. True love has no longing. The idea that many hold about what love is could be more accurately termed 'emotional attachment', or 'a comfortable and familiar arrangement.' Love is not 'Cupid-esque' as it may not be aimed or directed at any one person or group over another. Love is a distinct energy that we can feel. It is the energy that we come from. It is what we feel when we choose to be truly connected to who we are. It is boundless and constant. It is coming home. So for this Valentine's day I encourage you to feel and listen with radical honesty to your body, for it is the place where you may re-connect to love. Perhaps you will even begin to fall in love - truly and deeply - with yourself! Then you may may start to express love to you, and everyone else around you. Now that's the kind of Valentine's day I'm talking about!
To understand love energetically it is helpful to contemplate the etymology and understand the meaning of the words emotion, feeling and love. Many people believe that feelings and emotions are two words for the same thing, or are confused about the difference between the two. As energetic beings, it is important for us to have words to describe pure sensation, free of misinterpretation. In English, one such word is 'feeling'. It's origins are from Old English felan - "to touch, perceive," and feel was defined in the early 13th century as "sensation, understanding." On the other hand, the English word 'emotion' has its origins from the Middle French word emouvoir - "to stir up", and from Latin emovēre - "to remove, displace, agitate." The experience in the body of a feeling and an emotion mirror these definitions. When a feeling arises, we have a choice. We may stay with our body with the intention of understanding what message this feeling holds, respond in whole, and thus complete it and move on. Alternatively, we may have a reaction to, or re-interpretation of the feeling, and stir ourselves up into emotion. When we do this we then remove, displace and/or agitate away from the beauty and joy of our connection with self.
Another part of the confusion is how we define love. The experience of what we may call 'romantic love' so common at the beginning of a relationship, where we feel we can not live without the other person, that they 'complete us' or 'make us happy' are all reflections of neediness. True love has no longing. The idea that many hold about what love is could be more accurately termed 'emotional attachment', or 'a comfortable and familiar arrangement.' Love is not 'Cupid-esque' as it may not be aimed or directed at any one person or group over another. Love is a distinct energy that we can feel. It is the energy that we come from. It is what we feel when we choose to be truly connected to who we are. It is boundless and constant. It is coming home. So for this Valentine's day I encourage you to feel and listen with radical honesty to your body, for it is the place where you may re-connect to love. Perhaps you will even begin to fall in love - truly and deeply - with yourself! Then you may may start to express love to you, and everyone else around you. Now that's the kind of Valentine's day I'm talking about!
Image: Copyright © 2009-2011 Greg Benson. All rights reserved.
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